Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Today was a Do-Nothing Day, as my parents call them.

I call them, 'Do-Nothing-but-Miss-My-Boyfriend' days. I have them quite frequently. I know I'm turning into one of those 'My Boyfriend this, and my Boyfriend that,' kind of girls, but this is still new and shiny for me. Missing him is what makes me talk so much about him, and I miss him pretty thoroughly. It's quite understandable, though. When we lived in the same state and before we had acknowledged our romantic feelings for each other, we would spend four or five nights a week together, often starting the hanging out at eight or nine, and not parting until sunrise. We occupied as much time as a full time job would have. Sometimes more.

So now that we're completely open with each other and together, it feels rather strange to be apart from him. Especially since all of our time together has been total immersion. The only time we've spent apart when we've been in the same state is while one of us is at work. So you can understand the sense of longing and loss I feel when I'm away from him sometimes.

At Christmas time I said, "I think I know part of the reason I love you so much. Spending time with you is like being alone. I feel just as free and comfortable as I do by myself."

"Exactly," Boyfriend said, playing with the little tear in the knee of my pajama pants. "It's like all the good parts of alone time, with the benefits of a sexy friend accompanying you." (It should be noted that the tone of his voice, his body language, and the way he looked at me when he said 'sexy friend' left no doubt in my mind that he meant I was the sexy friend, not him. He's rather good at telling me I'm sexy or beautiful or clever or brilliant, right when I need to hear it most. Good job tending to my low self-esteem, Darling! Gold star!)

And it really is like that. I used to find it hokey whenever someone would talk about how lucky they were to be in love with their best friend. I totally get it now. I feel completely at ease around him, more so than anyone else. I didn't realize I felt stressed and anxious almost all of the time, until I was around him and just finally let myself relax. We're so in tune with each other that we literally finish each other's sandwiches. He told me one of the last days in Seattle, "It really is creepy how you always say exactly what I'm thinking." I just giggled and he elaborated, "And by creepy I mean awesome." and kissed me properly. The way I deserve to be kissed.

So after all of our visits, I feel this weird sense of incompletion. Like my intellect is hungover. I have trouble thinking or finding the energy to do much of anything. It's not even mental laziness, it's actual physical laziness. It would make for an interesting experiment, but I'd be willing to bet I couldn't run as far on a treadmill, or lift heavy boxes on days I miss him so hard it hurts, compared to days when I'm around him. It's really weird, and completely unfeministic of me, but true nonetheless. On days like today, all I can do is think about him. I get distracted whenever I try to focus on anything else. I'm not really hungry, or sleepy, I just am.

Here's what I should have done today;
-Cleaned the litterbox
-Cleaned my bathroom
-Unpacked/packed a box
-Practiced my guitar
-Worked on the band's website
-Written 500 words on my novel
-Eaten vegetables
-Called my favorite Aunt, since she just got out of the hospital
-Written a real blog

Here's what I did instead;
-Stayed in bed for four hours
-Ate a bunch of cookies
-Went to the bank
-Went to the post office
-Ate a Hot Pocket
-Watched Masterpiece Theater with my dad
-Got back in bed
-Played Mah Jong
-Haunted Facebook
-Wrote a completely useless blog
-And drew this useless MS paint picture;

This is what I looked like for most of the day.


Sara Louise said...

I am totally with you on this. I had to live apart from my best friend aka The Boyfriend for a few months and it was tortuous and I had plenty of days like that. And then time ticked on and here I am, five months into our life living in our new home together, happy as two little peas in a pod.
Time will tick quickly for you too =)
P.S. I love that you watch Masterpiece Theater with your Dad, love that!

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During this course of study, you will come to learn much about the strange eating, sleeping and mating habits of the Instrospective Lori under stress. We will observe as she moves halfway across the country to start a life with her own Captain Wentworth, takes a year off of work to pursue a writing career, and incessantly references Jane Austen.
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