Friday, May 27, 2011
I am a terrible blogger.

I mean, I do pretty well with the writing part, it's the frequency with which I post, the varying subject matter (sometimes funny, sometimes introspective.) But I guess this just makes me Versatile, according to my lovely cousin Sara, who has awarded me with the Versatile Blogger award. I've gotten a few of these little awards before, but I'm horrible about actually posting these things that I'm supposed to. (An example of my bad bloggerhood.)

For these Award things, I'm supposed to post things about myself that you all may not know. Seven seems to be the most common number...

1 - I have three kidneys. You may have seen me mention this before (a la kidney stones last April). We found out when I was 14, amidst trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I started my freshman year of Highschool 5'7" and 180 lbs. Four months later in December, I was a 1/4" away from being 6' tall, and weighed 270. This was while I was running a mile every morning in PE, playing soccer after school, and eating very little because of my insane Prep School curriculum. Factor in the concern that I had a full C cup, all the normal hairy gifts puberty gives you, acne to rival a teenage boy's, but no monthly visit... Well, Mom and Dad realized something was quite wrong. We originally thought it was a thyroid thing, but after almost a year of doctor visits and blood tests and ultrasounds, they discovered it was something as simple as Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome. 10% of the female population has it. Yet my doctors looked into cancer and leukemia first. Go figure. One of those tests they put me through was a dye treatment and x-rays of my abdomen... in which we discovered my third kidney. Fully functional, too! So while I was anxiously awaiting puberty as a child, hoping for some flashy mutant power like Jubilee, or something useful like Jean Grey, my mutation only gives me the power to pee more frequently. Oh, well.

2 - I was almost in Forest Gump. I was a pretty little kid. I had a pretty long awkward phase (about 8-20) but I was cute as a button before my eighth birthday and some unfortunate hair decisions. My parents used to take me out to acting and modeling gigs and auditions. When I was a baby, my grandmother used to ask me, "What are you going to be when you grow up?" and I would proudly proclaim, "Actisss!" Because, you know, 13 month olds aren't so good with enunciation. My mother was an actress, and later director, so nepotism awarded me my earliest acting roles. Credits like, "Crying Child" and "Baby." But when I was 6 years old, my parents took me to a Cattle Call at a hotel in Phoenix. After the initial day there, making cut after cut, reading lines, looking cute and mugging for pictures, I was told to come back at a later date. It turns out I was in consideration for the role of Young Jenny. "Run, Forest! Run!" could have been my line. I was rejected, in the end, for being too tall. But it was between me, a little girl from South Carolina, and the girl that got the role.

See, I used to be cute.

3 - I got my first tattoo when I was only 15. My parents asked me what I wanted for my fifteenth birthday. I told them I wanted to get the cartilage in my ear pierced. They told me it was too dangerous. My mother had seen horror stories about infections that resulted in hearing loss and partial amputation of the ear. I tried to reason with them, but they still refused. As a counter offer my mother said, "How about a tattoo?" I was stunned for a moment, then said, "Wait, really?" To which my mother replied, "Sure! They're much safer, and if we go with you to the parlor, it's legal." I agreed wholeheartedly, and began researching artists and parlors and thinking about what I wanted. A few months later, I had an inch high treble clef on my right shoulder blade. It's so tiny that it's blurry now (I can't believe it's ten years old!) and I've added four more to my collection.

4 - I was a virgin until I was 23. It seems like super personal information, but I don't mind sharing it. (I hope you don't mind reading it.) It's something I'm rather proud of, now. When I was younger, and all of my friends were making foolish bedroom choices, I felt a little left behind. It wasn't so much that I hadn't had an opportunity to lose the V-card, but I'd chosen not to. Nevertheless, it left me feeling conflicted. Should I? Shouldn't I? I got my first offer at 17, and in the end said, "Thanks, but no thanks." I'd fooled around a bit all through my late teenage years and early twenties, but I just wasn't ready to sleep with someone I wasn't in love with. I wasn't ready to open myself up to that sort of emotional vulnerability. Factor in being pudgy and tall, with that aforementioned acne still lingering... yeah, not so much with the confidence and self esteem. A lot of people used to ask me if I was waiting for marriage, and I would always reply that I was simply waiting for love. So by the time I finally got some hours of the mattress tango on my resume, I'd already graduated High School, earned an AA degree, gotten three tattoos and had four novels written. I don't regret waiting at all, in fact, I'm very glad I did.

5 - I am allergic to Bell Peppers. It's the weirdest food allergy, I know. I've only come across one other person that has it, and even then, it was his wife, not the actual afflicted party. Strangely, my reactions aren't always the same. I've had the puffy, throat swelling, hive-y kind of reaction, but I've also accidentally ingested small amounts, and just had terrible indigestion. It seems the green ones are a more potent poison. Go figure.

6 - I love to cook. I'm sure I've mentioned this before. In fact, my cousin Jinxie has featured some of my recipes on her blog. I have my own food blog reserved, but I haven't posted on it. Yet. Once I do, I will definitely be promoting that shamelessly. Cooking for me is like another artform. I'm constantly thinking of new things I could try, looking up and tweaking recipes. When I lived with my parents, my father and I would just watch Food Network all day, and try out things we had seen for dinner that night. Food is an adventure. A tasty, tasty adventure.

7 - I want to be famous. Like, ridiculously famous. Girls screaming and bursting into tears when I walk into the room kind of famous. Boys staring at posters of me on their ceiling, famous. Basically, I think I want to be boy band famous. I know it will never happen, though. And that's because I'm not willing to do stupid shit, or compromise my morals, or give up my creative integrity for it. So I guess it balances out. Kind of like my teenage and early twenties years. I was the horniest virgin ever. I wanted so badly to be sweaty and naughty, but I wasn't willing to be promiscuous and risk my health/sanity/reputation. I know I'm never going to be famous for writing a blog. Chances are, I'll never be famous if/when any of my books get published. But that doesn't stop me from hoping. Or practicing my autograph.

Time to pass this along. I think I was supposed to pick fifteen, but jesus. No. I'll pick the blog I'm digging the most these days.

Mrs. Biscuit rocks my socks. She's seriously -so adorable.- She lives in Arizona, but she actually wants to be there, she wasn't trapped by birth or circumstance, like the rest of us were. (She must be just a little insane.) She's always posting links to adorable things on Etsy or cute stories about her cats or her new Husband (Mr. Muffin.)

But also make sure to check out The Frisky Virgin and Sara in Le Petit Village, who have both given me awards before.

I'll get back to the funny stuff soon, I promise!


Mrs. Biscuit said...

I love this! And yes, I am definitely a bit insane, or more than a bit! Haha!

Thanks for the award! I enjoyed reading your blanks, you've lived quite the interesting life! A tattoo at 15, at 15 I was being shipped off to boarding school! Perhaps I should use that as one of my random tidbits ;)

I'm a bit ashamed that I don't already follow your blog, but fear not, I'm about to remedy that! =)

<3 <3 <3 MuffinLovesBiscuit

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During this course of study, you will come to learn much about the strange eating, sleeping and mating habits of the Instrospective Lori under stress. We will observe as she moves halfway across the country to start a life with her own Captain Wentworth, takes a year off of work to pursue a writing career, and incessantly references Jane Austen.
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