Friday, November 12, 2010
I have this habit of taking notes in my phone. Funny things that are said (these notes are particularly funny after a night of drinking), to-do lists, my AAA member number, ideas for stories or song lyrics. Recently, when I tried to jot down (and by jot I mean type in) some wedding invitation ideas, my phone told me that the memory card was full. I know this to be perfectly erroneous, as I still have plenty of room for pictures. So the allotted space for notes is full.

So I need to get rid of them.

The Friday before Halloween, Future Husband and I (he was still technically Boyfriend) had an impromptu date night. We went out to run a few errands, and ended up having dinner and going to a movie. We wandered around the mall near our house (neither of us had been there before) and people watched and window shopped, some of our favorite activities. After we stopped at the Halloween Express and Hot Topic for last minute costume supplies, we headed across the parking lot to Olive Garden for a garlicky, seafoody feast. Since there was a movie theater in the mall, we decided to throw financial responsibility to the wind and go see 'Easy A.' (Really good! Totally recommended!)

As we were heading up the first set of escalators to get to the third floor Theater, Future Husband said, "It looks like we could go left or right."

"I think right is shorter." I was observing the food court, and going around to the right was definitely the quicker way to get to the second set of escalators.

FH, in a completely serious, deadpan voice, said, "Probably. But we could go left. If there was a bear, or something. We have that option."

I burst out laughing. I couldn't stop thinking about turning the corner in the super shiny, Ikea furnished food court, and just seeing a giant bear there.


No, the bear is not flashing us.

If there had been some sort of terrible, bear-escapes=from-the-zoo-and-takes-a-bus-to-the-mall scenario, I would hope that FH had his Concealed Carry permit by then. Because then I would be safe, for sure.


I got lazy with the bear.

Ok, well, maybe not. Because as FH explained to me only a few days ago, (while he was explaining why he is terrified of bears) that bears have ridiculously thick skulls that most bullets won't puncture.

Which means that we would have to resort to something one of my recurring dreams has been preparing me for, for decades; hand to hand combat with a giant predator.

My recurring dreams are not like the ones in movies. I don't know how they stack up to everyone else's, but mine are more like recurring themes. They always take place in different locations, with different people, but have the same predicament. There are the natural disaster dreams, where I'm trying to get various loved ones, friends and/or family to safety and they won't heed my warnings. Then the flood/tornado/tsunami strikes and I have to try and save everyone as they're scattered. Then there are my weird high school dreams, where I go back to Xavier to have 'traditional' high school years. I always end up slacking and staying home, and then worry that I'll get kicked out, but I don't really care. The last time I had this dream, one of my teachers asked me how many times I was going to come back and drop out. Or the driving across an insanely high and poorly built bridge, usually in a large vehicle like a van or my old Buick, and usually over water. That one always wakes me with a jolt.

And then... there are the giant predator dreams. Usually it's a lion or a bear. Once or twice it's been a tiger. Once it was an alligator. I haven't had one of these in a while, but what always happens is I end up somehow trapped by some giant, bitey monster that wants to eat/destroy me. I always manage to land a couple of punches, and then I realize that claws and teeth will definitely win out over my weak little arms and clawless hands. Inevitably, I have to trick the beast into losing sight of me, so I can sneak up behind it and strangle it.

Yep - strangle it. In all of my dreams I either hold my own, or defeat the beast by putting it in a choke hold. And since I'm on its back, the damage they're able to inflict with their sharp bits is minimal.

So had there been a bear in the food court, impeding our journey to the movie theater, I totally could have taken it down.


You know, since Future Husband is terrified of bears.


1 comments:

Sara said...

Mine isn't usually a giant predator, it's escaping from kidnapping.

I have had soooo many escaping from kidnapper dreams. Which usually involve creating or utilizing a distraction.

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Lori
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During this course of study, you will come to learn much about the strange eating, sleeping and mating habits of the Instrospective Lori under stress. We will observe as she moves halfway across the country to start a life with her own Captain Wentworth, takes a year off of work to pursue a writing career, and incessantly references Jane Austen.
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