Sunday, February 14, 2010
It's Valentine's Day. People complain about Christmas being a commercialized holiday, but... at least Christmas has its roots in Christianity and Paganism. Valentine's Day as it is celebrated now was completely manufactured, mostly by Hallmark. The days of handmade valentines are far behind us, for the most part. Now it's greeting cards and chocolates and flowers and jewelry and fancy dinners. Don't get me wrong, I love all of those things (except jewelry) but firmly believe they should be surprises and tokens of affection throughout the year. What I despise about Valentine's Day is the sense of entitlement so many women feel and the sense of reluctant duty so many men do. It takes the fun out of it. Personally, I prefer Steak and Blowjob day on March 14th. Even if it totally did hijack Pi Day.

This year, now that I have a significant other that I actually care about, I have mixed feelings going into V-Day. If we were in the same state, we'd have the day to ourselves. No work, no shows. We could do whatever we wanted, and we probably would get a little fancy with dinner. Granted, we both love to cook, so it's not too far off from other nights. It would just be that we would put a little bit more effort into it. Probably not much, though. The only real advantage I can see in being together on V-Day would be that we could use it as an excuse to devote an entire day to sex. We've done that before though, too. With excuses like, "Oh, it's my birthday," and "It's my first/last day in town," and "It's Tuesday." I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyday is practically Valentine's for us. Maybe V-Day next year will be nicer, since we'll be a year and half into our relationship and can put work on the back burner and set the day aside as a sexfest. Since we're not in the same state, however, I'm left pondering our relationship and missing him just a weency bit more than I usually do.

The last five months have been so wonderful, that it's almost tempting to forget how strenuous the journey to get here was. For every ounce of amazing happiness we are enjoying now, there were pounds and pounds of heartache and uncertainty. We paid the price for this felicity by sacrificing the years proceeding. And even though things have been incredible since September, I can think of a few ways they could have been incredibler. So I will get this disclaimer out of the way; as happy as we are, we are not perfect. Neither of us are perfect, though I'd like to think I'm a lot closer than he is (tee hee!). I have been cold and distant, and kept things to myself when I should have shared them. He has been a fool and a coward. He has been selfish where I have been selfless. He has wounded me in the past, but he knows it, and he is making up for it, repairing the damaged bits of my heart day by day. It's a slow, but steady, process. I know that someday the ache when I think of the pain of the past will be as distant as the memories that caused them. But our saving grace, what makes us happy even with our flaws, is that we acknowledge them. We know what our shortcomings are, and we agreed back in September that we are a team, a unit. If something happens to one of us, it happens to both of us. We promised each other right out of the gate that we wouldn't let a problem come between us, that we would tackle it head on. Money problems and commitment issues have already been conquered. And those seem to be the two things that destroy other, less awesome couples. Though I have had my doubts about our future together, I have always known that I love him more than anyone else before. If I were to leave him, I doubt I would find someone as entirely compatible, or as understanding of who I am. He sees every odd, intricate facet of my personality, and finds it endearing. Even better, it fits against his. As terrifying as the prospect of the next few weeks and months are, I know that if I did not give myself wholly to this opportunity I would regret it for the rest of my life. When I was 40, I would look back at this time in my life, and scold myself for playing it safe. That is why I have no second thoughts about risking everything, and reaching for something extraordinary.

As messy as the split in 2007 was, we expected more opposition. In fact, it was a little bit disappointing that so many people were happy for us. The main reaction was "It's about time!" though we did have a few people ask, "Seriously?" Looking back, I am actually glad that we were so well received. It might have seemed 'fun' to be a scandalous couple, but I am quite happy with how it turned out. It was a lot less stressful. A lot of people though, see our compatibility, but can't understand it. To a lot of onlookers, it may seem like a strange combination. Personally, I think we make total sense. The few areas in which we do not think exactly alike in, are the areas where our differences are thoroughly complimentary, and bring out the strengths in each other. But I will stop trying to illustrate with words. I will use math instead;

As you can plainly see, the foundation of our relationship is simply that we are more awesome than everyone else, and therefore destined to be together. If you take that into consideration with the yellow and orange slices, you have a recipe for actual world domination. It's a good thing we spend more time laughing and having amazing sex than we do desiring to take over the world. Cause we could totally do it. Especially with our mind reading capabilities. The other day he told me about heart shaped steaks at Safeway. I, being an overt lover of all things made out of cow, was appalled that they would take away a few precious bites of steak, just for novelty's sake. Cookies shaped like hearts make so much more sense, and waste much less deliciousness.

Yesterday, my mom told me that the grocery store near our house has cut up some heart shaped steaks, too. I laughed, and made a mental note to tell Boyfriend, but forgot to do so for some time. When I finally remembered, the text I got in response was, "How did you know I was at Safeway looking at steak!?"

Apparently, I had suddenly remembered to tell him about the steaks while he happened to be standing in the meat department at the grocery store. It's not like he'd sent a text alluding to his shopping. I thought he was still at home, playing video games. It just 'randomly' popped into my head while he was 'coincidentally' looking at that exact thing. Personally, I think we need to put some effort into honing these skills, and if we can't rule the world with it, at least make a few bucks.

This graph is simply a sampling of things that I spend time thinking about, and how much I love them. As you can see, I love Boyfriend a great deal. As if you couldn't tell by now. So even though it hasn't always been easy, and sometimes it's been actual work, I'm not sorry. How could I be? He really is my best friend, which I would like to think is a big part of why we work so well. I mean, I love him more than Jane Austen. I don't even love gravy that much, and boy, do I love gravy.

In closing, I would like to leave you with this video The Bestest showed me. I think it accurately sums up my entire relationship. He was just in the drive thru for 5 years, and the 1/2 price bacon and eggs were the two crazy girls he tried to distract himself from me with. And that worked out, oh-so well. I think my favorite scene is when the bacon and eggs are covering his eyes, and all he can see and think about and want is still his cheeseburger. Because I am his cheeseburger. His precious cheeseburger.

UPDATE: I'm halfway through Valentinte's Day. I've only been up for a few hours, but still. It's evening now, and the sky is turning golden and the snow from this morning isn't completely melted yet. I watched a movie, and as I hugged my knees on the couch, all I could think about was how much I wanted to hold his hand. Even if it was a movie he probably wouldn't have enjoyed as much as I did. I just wanted him there. I only have eleven more days to go. So far, with this last separation, I've done a good job of managing my missing of him. I've done well to focus on my family and enjoying my last few days as part of the familial unit. Today however, I am in full on longing mode. I miss him so much today my chest hurts.

Thinking about this blog, I realized I explained why I love him, in a very how-to sort of way. That's not as romantic as I intended to be. So I'll try to make up for it in a few sentences down here. I love him. With every single fiber of my being. I love the way he looks at me, the way he watches me do the silliest, most mundane things like frying bacon or putting on my make up. I love the way he tries to be sneaky about smelling my hair when he hugs me. I love the way he lets me play with his fingertips while I hold his hand. I love the way we can talk, how he manages to pull things out of me that I felt too afraid to say, and it's not so bad after all. He makes everything easier. I feel less afraid and more sure of myself, because of him. I love him. So, so much.


Sara said...

You are so right about the pictures. Blogs are better with them. :)

And your bar graph and pie chart motif are hilarious.

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During this course of study, you will come to learn much about the strange eating, sleeping and mating habits of the Instrospective Lori under stress. We will observe as she moves halfway across the country to start a life with her own Captain Wentworth, takes a year off of work to pursue a writing career, and incessantly references Jane Austen.
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